Monday, April 23, 2012

T is for Tortured Artists

Drawing by Ava. Used with permission.
So I'm writing this blog post in between taking a long, lonely walk in the haunted woods and sitting in a dark room, hunched over a typewriter, weeping over the heartbreaking poetry that I'm writing.

No, I'm not depressed. I'm trying to cultivate my inner tortured artist.

You can too! Here are 5 easy steps to becoming that famous depiction of the mad genius.

1. Doubt yourself.

If you like what you create, you can't be a tortured artist. You must always, always doubt your work, never ever be satisfied with it, and go into fits when anyone praises your work.

2. Learn to play the violin. 

Come on, we all know this one. Sherlock Holmes.

And besides, can you think of an instrument that is more dramatic than a violin? You can also substitute an organ or an out-of-tune piano if you have to. Just make sure to rock back and forth violently when you play it.

3. Make friends with some strange animal - rats are excellent, birds are okay (especially if they're crows or ravens).

The best way to reinforce the idea that you are not of this world, and don't understand ordinary human beings is to make friends with normally spurned creatures.

(This will also give you extra pity points.)

4. Develop a signature messy hair style.

Tortured artists have no time to take care of their hair! They're plagued by visions and dreams and ideas that must be put down on paper or canvas or sheet music! All the same, make sure to choose your trademark messy hair carefully. Einstein looks like he put his finger in a light socket. Make sure yours is as fitting.

5. Die young.

Because only the good do...

Also by Ava. Used with permission.


Follow these five steps carefully, and you're well on your way to becoming the mad genius of legend.

Are you a tortured artist? Do you have any tips to add to the list?
Let me know by commenting!

15 comments:

  1. Die young because you wont survive like that for seventy years anyway.

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    Replies
    1. True. You could get bitten by the rat, get some lethal disease, and die. ;)

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  2. Laureen not know if that was your purpose but I'm laughing for several minutes. Add to this that I have brushed normally and not like it he crows, rats and especially do not know how to play the violin!
    I honestly do not know how to follow these your precious advice: in Italy we have nevertheless a great desire to live and enjoy ourselves. I'm an old blogger so I have already passed that happy age in which we must die to be a tortured artist ... someone you think might also read me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it was supposed to be funny. Glad you liked it.

      I think following the opposite of my advice would be the way to go... ;)

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  3. I tend to think of the "tortured artist syndrome" as being a male problem.

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    Replies
    1. Cause women are too smart to go through all that, right? ;)

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  4. I'm with you except on the doubting part. I think the real tortures artists are the ones that -know- they're geniuses; it's just that no one else can see it because they just aren't capable of "getting" the vision.

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    Replies
    1. True. Like those artists who are only recognized after they're dead, or those writers who die penniless. Very sad.

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  5. Ooh! I've got one: make sure you attribute every bit of talent to some past tragedy in your life. Tortured artists don't believe happy people can create worthwhile art. :)

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  6. Awesome post! I laughed. Doubt - check, messy hair - check, I had an out-of-tune piano but I just tuned it. I guess I'm not tortured anymore now.

    Laura Barnes @laurabwriter.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, that out-of-tune piano is an important part. ;)

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  7. Replies
    1. I don't know if I can believe you, Micah. After all, I have to follow rule one.

      But seriously, though, glad you liked it! :)

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  8. I have number 1 down pat. And maybe am heading towards number 5--if at my age I can still be considered young :)

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    Replies
    1. Nothing like co-hosting the A-to-Z challenge to send you to an early grave, right? ;)

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Thoughts?

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